Why can’t you let things go?

It’s so hard to let some things go! Things happen to us, and we expect to move on from them…but what happens when we get stuck and can’t move on? Why do we feel stuck, and what can we do about it?

Lots of things happen in life that we can’t control, but when we go through a specific situation or change in life, sometimes we just can’t get past the hurt that comes with it. It can be a break up, a death, loss of a job, loss of a friendship, a change in health, a change in appearance…and so many more. But why is it that we can get over some things quickly, and other things just seem to linger? Why is it that we can feel hurt and stuck in the loss for weeks, months or even years?

There is no ‘one answer fits all’! Every one of us has a different way of handling stress and loss, and so every one of us has a different way of going through healing. As a therapist, so much of the way that I see life is based on the experiences that I have with my clients. Sure, I have my own personal experiences, but I get to talk to people from all walks of life, and I get to watch and walk through the healing alongside my clients.

Yes, my job is to help people and guide them through their healing, but I also get to learn a lot from my own clients. I get to see how different people endure difficulty, and how it affects every aspect of their lives. I also get to see how they finally figure out the way to move past it, and to be able to live a happier and healthier life. 

I wish I could tell you that there is one great solution for every problem, but that’s definitely not the case. There are usually many solutions for one problem, and we have to work through all the layers of the problem, and one by one we heal the bits and pieces that make up the whole hurt and the whole problem.

So here’s the thing you need to remember…those bits and pieces that make up the problem, something in there is what is causing you to be stuck in the healing, and that is what is keeping you from letting things go.  Not everything needs to be let go. Some hurts definitely need to be healed with the goal of leaving them completely behind, while others need to be healed and somehow incorporated into the next stage of your life…your changed life as a result of the hurt. But either way…when we struggle to get to the point of ‘moving on’ or ‘moving past it’ it’s usually because we have something unresolved in the bits and pieces that make up the whole hurt. 

So here’s your challenge…you need to dig deep and figure out what are the bits and pieces of the problem you are feeling stuck in. What is the thing you can’t seem to get past or move on from, and what are the layers that make up the depths of that hurt. It might seem like it’s really not that complicated, and so you may feel frustrated with yourself for feeling stuck. But if you’re stuck, then that in and of itself tells you that it is complicated, and there’s probably more to it than you are aware of. 

So, if you’re stuck, then you probably need to go ahead and just accept that you need to do more work, and you need to dig deeper to figure out how to heal things that you aren’t paying enough attention to. You might be able to do this alone, through journaling or thinking about it, or you might need a friend or family member to talk through it with. But if that’s not enough, a therapist is always a wonderful option. So do the work, and finally find the way to get unstuck!

For a deeper look at this, listen to episode 72 of my podcast.